An interview with Angelika Baumbach from Mirabai Ceiba
She, the new single by Mirabai Ceiba, was written by Angelika Baumbach during a solitary mini-retreat, as a way to create a space to experience herself freely.
We had the opportunity to talk with her about womanhood, and life as an artist and mother.
What does womanhood mean to you?
Angelika: Womanhood to me is simply this opportunity we have been given to be the carriers of life, in every possible sense. We have a woman’s body, and with it comes this incredible nurturing nature, this vast world of emotions. In a way, I feel that our body is like a gateway to the universe.
How do you balance being a mother and being a musician?
Angelika: This is a tricky question for me… I don’t know that I can say that I feel balanced. It’s been quite an adventure with so many aspects to it that it is difficult to describe in a few words, but all in all I feel that passion plays a big role here, passion for being a mother and passion for music. To be honest, I’ve been very focused on my daughters for all these years because I decided to homeschool them. This is a very big commitment in every way: emotionally, creatively, and practically. In real time, it has just filled a lot of my inner space, and for some years I’ve just kept barely above water with music. Here, I thank Markus for doing all the work he has done to keep the music rolling. This has been both a bit sad for me, as well as deeply fulfilling because of the incredible journey and intimacy that I have achieved with my daughters. We know each other so well and have grown so much together. This is worth a lifetime and even generations to come. Now my girls are older, and I am starting to feel more space inside to dedicate more time to music. It is also a path where I need to be gentle and patient with myself. But I must also be consistent, to allow creativity to unfold. I must enter music from this place where I am right now, with so much more life lived in me, and so much yet to come.
Who is the woman beneath all these roles?
Angelika: I wonder too sometimes. I am a dreamer, a weaver, a connector of people, a restless spirit, always looking for change and movement, a woman of the earth, of the mountains, of the ocean, a friend, passionate for life and nature, a daughter, a mother, a sister, and just someone who is so grateful to be alive.
How do you create space to connect with yourself?
Angelika: Right now, I take some time in the early morning and before sleeping. I like to have at least two hours for myself before I need to make breakfast or get into action. I do silent meditation and yoga. In the ideal situation, I would also sing for an hour, but that is not always the case. At night, I like to pick up an instrument and sing and play to myself or to Pema, my younger daughter, as she goes to sleep. And last February, a year ago, at some point where I was a bit on the edge, I chose to go for a week into a forest cabin by myself. It was incredible to discover that just by spending time alone in a contained space in nature, like a blossom, the spirit slowly opens up to a very pure and pristine space with oneself. I want to do it again soon. It was truly nurturing and beautiful to be able to feel myself like that.
What are the most important values you share with your daughters about being a woman?
Angelika: To be true to themselves, to channel their energy in creative and nurturing ways, to know and love their body, to learn to say no and put limits when it’s needed, to be compassionate and kind, to see the things that are always there to be grateful for.
How do you stay true to yourself, your nature and your instincts?
Angelika: One way is communication. I have learned to dare to say what I want and need. I feel I’ve been lucky because I am surrounded by people who trust me. Sometimes, my nature and instincts seem a bit crazy or different than what is conventional. But I trust myself too, even if I do have moments of insecurity and doubts. There is a joy connected with my true instincts that is unmistakable, and I usually follow that joy.
We know retreats are a big part of your life. Can you share some tools that you share with women to find creative space?
Angelika: Already the decision to go to a retreat, or simply to take a window of time in the midst of daily life, is a big one. As I experience myself and women friends of mine, I realize that we all share a gene that probably comes from generations back, where we feel we need to always be available to others, to nurture or simply be emotionally available at all times, and it is a difficult decision that takes a strong will to take creative nurturing time for ourselves. And it even often comes with guilt. Some have it stronger than others, and of course it expresses differently in each one of us, depending on our current life situation.
This is why coming together in such an intimate setting as is a seven day retreat, where we sleep, eat, and do all these different activities together, is a powerful space to open this dialogue and consciously accompany and encourage each other in these journeys. The retreats also help to plant the seeds in us to integrate these spaces in our daily lives.
What inspired you to gather women on retreats?
Angelika: The idea of offering women’s retreats came from the wish to offer my girls an environment where they can blossom and learn about their womanhood in a circle of women. These retreats offer a space where they realize that they are not alone in this journey, that they have a community of friends, godmothers, and elders to hold them and accompany them in ways that maybe I, as a mother, can’t do alone. As year by year we share a week with women of all ages, the real purpose carves itself out with all the incredible sharing that happens in those days, which is to have a family of women that holds, supports, and uplifts each other with each one’s special light.
Angelika: These retreats have shown me a side of myself that I am still discovering, a side that I maybe had forgotten, or maybe thought I didn’t have. They have shown me to appreciate the ability I have to weave a beautiful story with women from different environments, countries, or cultures, and to see that I am able to manifest my deepest wishes through these gatherings. It is a place where I can be vulnerable and strong at the same time.
What happens in a women’s retreat?
Angelika: In a weeklong retreat, we dance, we sing, we laugh, we cry. We share the power of the word, and the power of silence. We practice yoga and silent meditation, go out in nature and do different kinds of rituals. We eat delicious and healthy food. We massage each other, we go into the sweat lodge to heal and chant, we share precious moments with the younger girls, and they also have their own version of all these activities. Towards the end of the week, we go into the forest and make rites of passage for the girls who have had their period and feel ready to step into that new phase. For women who lost their period, we have a ritual for them as well. Also for pregnant women, or the women who lost babies, or any situation that requires the love and support of the circle. These rituals are very healing for all the women.
Who inspires you these days?
Angelika: I am inspired by mothers who choose to have children to really be with them, to get to know them for who they are, and know how to offer them what they really need. I have some dear friends who I deeply admire for that.
My husband and music and life companion, Markus, inspires me in many ways: his endless creativity and ability to manifest it, his unconditional love and presence in the family. Our parents, our daughters. Children that are awake and endlessly curious.
What message would you like to share with women around the world?
Angelika: I would like women to know that you are never too young, or too old, or too anything to do what you really want. You can always start with a small real commitment to yourself. No matter what. It takes will and courage, but we all have it somewhere. And you are not alone.
Listen to She now.